Silly Comment Saturday

This is a story about Julie from the UK. She is one of our distributors and I handle most of her orders, and because of this we have become quite good friends. As you probably know, the British are a little bit different than us Americans in language, dress, humor, lifestyle, etc. I have learned a lot not only about the UK but also about America from Julie. This woman is a walking Encyclopedia! But what I love most about Julie is her sense of humor. The other day I went through every email I could find from Julie and picked out a few fun phrases she has said that made me laugh. I hope you find humor in them as I did:

"I just sent small bars of chocolate you would not gain weight with those, I promise. Men do not like stick insects. What man do you know who yearns for Victoria Beckham, husband David doesn't count as he has just two brain cells. Body perhaps and a six pack but no brain."

"I've just upset the dogs - my volume is up full so I can listen out for Skype and just visited your blog to check for updates. Lots of howling, they're obviously fans of Fall Out Boy..."

"Oh Alayna, you hob-nobber. You just know which names to drop don't you."

"When I saw Michael Phelps today he reminded me a little of a vampire, I'm sure he's a lovely man...perhaps it was just an unfortunate camera shot."

"How's the zit by the way, is it one of those that when you frown you feel like Lieutenant Worf out of Star Trek...or a real beauty and looks like rhubarb and custard."

"Sweater vest - they're jokingly called tank tops in the UK... Typically worn by uncool dads who think they look the bee's knees."

"I was pulling your leg Alayna, read that your 'beau' was hardly aware of your existence. I too had one of those, even bought an egg cup with the name Kenny emblazoned on the side, my mother never ever said a word. I was very spotty and a podgy 13 year old and he was 18 complete with a motorbike, leather jacket, winkle pickers and oh so tight drainpipe jeans."

"So its a bit like a fancy dress party where you're the only one in fancy dress. I once went to a Vicars and Tarts party dressed as a French Maid and apart from the chap I went with nobody was in fancy dress. He just took off the dog collar and I just tried to look 'normal'."

"Brave mummy, I felt quite faint reading about the procedure. You call them scabs, we call them scuds. I could certainly do with a chemical peel or something more serious ! I'd like to get my leg veins sorted out, alternatively I could go to a fancy dress party as a road map .... and save money on a costume. Alan says I have a neck like a tortoise. "

Isn't she cute??? I just love my pal Julie! Thanks for teaching me so much about... everything!

Get Yo' Freak On Friday

I know Christmas was so last season, but I never did get around to blogging about this. If you haven't already noticed, I have a lot of fun at work. I work in a pretty laid back office and my co-workers are insane. We had a little Christmas party at work one day and I thought it would be funny to wear one of those hideous Christmas sweaters just to see how people would react. This is how I looked:Sadly, most people thought my sweater vest was cute. Honestly people...not cute! And aren't those shoes to die for? {Note: sarcasm} I think only two people at work (both men) realized that I was trying to be a freak. One of them was my boss. He stopped me in the hall at one point and said, "You know we have guests coming to the office today." Honestly, the plan was just to wear the sweater vest to get a reaction and then take it off. After that comment though the vest never was seen again...

Then things got a little out of control. Look at Joey's blog for a more in-depth detailing of our fun. Don't mind my huge fatness and scary faces...

{Good times at work}

Transvestite Thursday

I am kind of worried about my nephew Jake...

But isn't he cute...even if he is sportin' heels??

Whacked-Out Wednesday

This is what I saw the other day when I was out and about:

I just have one thing to say about this:

It takes a confident man to be able to pull this off in public...

Temptation Tuesday

My cutest friend at work, Nikki, had the amazing opportunity to go to Africa a few years ago and work in an orphanage. That is always something I have wanted to do, but never quite got around to it...so I am pretty jealous that she had the experience. I remember her saying that she puked all the way to Africa but that she also sat by some hot guy on the plane who rubbed her back while she blew chunks. She also mentioned that he was some famous singer who lives in South Africa. Cool right? Well, he still keeps in touch with her via email and honestly I think it's kind of cool. But then at work on Friday she directed me to his webpage so I could see a picture of him. And this is what came up:

Oh my heavens! The first thing I did when I saw his face was melt. And the next thing I did was yell at Nikki for not showing me his face earlier! Hello...I am single! And she knows him! So, she's going to put in a good word for me...

Mmmm...daddy! You can come to my house anytime!

{Xavier Saer}

Meth-Addict Mom Monday

It is no big surprise that I am my mom's number 1 fan. I adore her. But lately, she's kind of fallen off of her rocker. I hardly recognize her...literally. I will never forget this one time a few years ago when I was living at home and I was chatting with my mother dearest. I remember looking at her eyes but not being able to see past her wrinkles. It was then that I realized my mom was getting old...and I told her that. Surprise, surprise; she didn't really appreciate the comment. But you just have to realize the gravity of the statement I made to my mother, because it has forever changed her and turned her into something I never believed she would be: VAIN.

This first picture does not do justice to how comical the situation was, but before I tell the story just take a look:
If you can't tell, the sign my mom is holding says, "aging gracefully is overrated." It looks just like she is holding the sign very awkwardly and posing for a picture. What you don't see is this:

You see those freaking spots on my mom's arm? Picture those practically everywhere on her upper body (make-up works wonders). My dear mother was so upset with her "oldness" that she paid someone to remove her age spots. Seriously, she looks like a meth addict! I don't know which is worse...age spots or scabs. Needless to say, I haven't been in public with my mom for the last few weeks...

P.S. If I never post another blog again, you will know that my mom killed me after reading this...

a post a day...

until February. I hope you enjoy what I have in store for you this week...the last week of January. My friend in the UK (you will learn more about her on Saturday) told me that the Monday on the last full week of January is the most depressing day of the year. I intend to bring you sunshine and smiles on that day...and every other day for that matter!

{Enjoy}