keep the change

Change.  It's what's been on my mind a lot these days. 

 A lot.

You see, I recently had a birthday.  Birthday number 31 {insert horrific gasp}.  To anyone else in the world, this would be no big deal.  But to a single, LDS girl, it is practically a death sentence.  No joke.

To clarify for my non-LDS friends out there, our church has special wards for single adults aged 18-30.  It is heavenly.  A time to associate and mingle with people your own age.  I have been going to aforementioned meat markets singles wards for the last 13ish years of my life.  So imagine the shock that comes when you turn 31 and are thrown back into the mainstream...attending church with old, married people...and kids!  Yuck.

Yes, for the last few months of my singles ward experience I was feeling old and out of place, but I still loved being with people I could relate to.  And, I was very private about discussing my age with people...because it was embarassing to me.  So as the time to leave got closer, I was dealing with all this shame and embarassment by myself.  I know, this is nothing to be embarassed about, but I am a crazy, emotional girl. 

Fast forward to my last week in the singles ward.  With the exception of my close friends, I told no one that I would be leaving.  I begged the Relief Society President and Branch Presidency not to announce it.  But, because I love the RS Pres, I told her she could announce it at the very end of church...to the sisters only.  I bore my testimony and cried my eyes out.  I was going to miss the Branch and miss my friends.  A few people asked where I was going, and I simply replied that I would be going to a family ward.  See, I couldn't even admit that I was an old fart and getting kicked out!  Haha.

Another flash forward...to this last Sunday.  This was my second week attending the family ward and the time came for the bishop to read my name over the pulpit as a new member of the ward.  I stood and smiled like a good girl...and then these words flooded into my ears:

"Alayna has just graduated from the singles ward and will now be joining us..."

I wanted to die, right then and there.

Haha!  That girl is old.  And single.  And there is no hope for her.

I sat down quickly, and laughed to keep the tears from flowing.  I turned to the lady next to me and said, "Is this real life?  Did that really just happen?"  To which she replied, "It's like you've got the number 31 stamped on your forehead."

 

 

To say I was mortified was an understatement.  Here, this secret I had been trying to keep for so long was so very out in the open...without my permission.  Needless to say, I felt awkward.  But what can you do about it?

Then that night I was feeling brave.  I decided to venture out to a mid-singles fireside...just to see if it was really as bad as people say it is.  Again, to clarify, the mid-singles group consists of singles aged 31-45...or so that's what I'd always been told.  I am not sure if I was mistaken, or if the people who showed up were mistaken, but I have never felt so young and so very out of place in my life.  How is a woman supposed to get married when every guy at this "mid-singles" fireside looks like this:

"I'm under 45...I swear!"

or this:

"You + Me = Us"

Worst experience of my life.

In conclusion, being single sucks a little bit.  I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to get married...but I can definitely promise you that I will try.  Will I ever go to another mid-singles fireside?  Not anytime soon.  Will I do the online dating thing?  Probably not...tried it once and didn't enjoy it.  So, wish me luck as I try to figure this thing out.  If for no other reason, it will give me something good to blog about.

Oh, and you can keep the change...