{warning: this post is very revealing...}
Another year is coming to a close and it is time once again to reflect on the past...and look forward to new things in the future. This is actually something I have been thinking about for a very long time, but today just sort of solidified my conviction. So I would like to share a couple of things with you, my blogging friends.
Church today was amazing! The Relief Society lesson was powerful and just made me want to be a better person. But in Sunday School we talked about the year in review. The teacher had four people stand up and tell their favorite scripture that has meant something to them this last year and how it has helped them and may possibly continue to help them or someone else in the future. The scriptures shared were great, and the stories were even better. I started thinking about what one scripture has meant the most to me this year...but before I share the scripture, I will give you a little rundown of my 2009 and how this scripture touched my life.
I am not going to lie...2009 has been a very hard year for me. A lot of changes have taken place, and it was not until recently that I have realized that those changes are really for the better. There was the hunt for a new roommate, a loss of hours and pay at work, changes in church callings (side note: I got calling #3 at church today...I am now the Relief Society pianist to go along with my Relief Society teacher and Activities committee callings), changes in friends and just other stresses associated with being a 28 year old single girl trying to make it on her own. And honestly, some of the biggest stresses of the year were because of boys, a lack of boys, or just one boy in general. I regret making certain decisions because I thought I was in love. I know I lost a lot of time, waiting for things to happen or changes to be made...when in reality, I knew nothing ever would happen or change. I wish I knew how to forget about the past and move on with life. I wish I had sufficient faith to believe that everything will work out in the end and that I will find someone who loves me back. But you know what, if it never happens for me, it's ok. I have a good feeling that things are going to get better.
Which leads me to the scripture that has meant the most for me this last year. If you haven't figured out already, I was kind of depressed...a lot. I found myself struggling with my faith. I found myself struggling to smile. I found myself just struggling to get through certain days. I remember one night, about the same time I decided to change my focus and get my life back in order, that I was having a particularly hard time. I don't really remember the circumstances, but I remember opening my scriptures and seeing this passage in Psalms 46:5. It says,
"God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early."
It hit me like a ton of bricks! I immediately started crying (my emotions are very crazy lately) and I felt this automatic feeling of peace. I knew that God would help me get through this difficult time...and any hard times in the future. And you know what? He has!
I can't say that it's all been sunshine and lollipops since then. I am human. I falter. I have made mistakes. But I am doing better. And I know that I can really accomplish anything that I put my mind to, with God's help. Things are already looking up. And I have no doubt that it will continue.
About 3 weeks ago my co-worker was telling me about an email she had received with ideas to help you set and accomplish goals. She said that you should write 9 things (things you have control over) that you want to accomplish on a piece of paper in red pen. Then you are supposed to read those 9 things every morning and night for 9 days. Number one, I don't own a red pen, and number 2, I wanted this experiment to last longer than 9 days. I decided at that moment to make a list of 9 things that I wanted to accomplish in 2010 (then I added one more item that I have no control over...just for fun) and I have looked at it everyday since then. And I would encourage you to do the same! Afterall, if you don't post your goals somewhere that you can see them everyday, they are quickly forgotten. So, I would like to share my {extremely personal} list with you:
1. I will go through the temple (already in the works. June. Nauvoo temple. It's time...)
2. I will lose 50 lbs by my birthday (Mmmm...Dr. Fountis here I come!)
3. I will exercise regularly (already have the gym membership, just need to figure out how to set the alarm and actually get out of bed when it goes off...)
4. I will read the Bible (started a few months ago...may not finish the whole thing...but I can try)
5. I will look for the positive in all situations (probably the thing I will struggle with the most on this list)
6. I will find time to serve and fulfill my callings (so many callings, so little time. Just kidding!)
7. I will organize and declutter (have you seen my room?)
8. I will communicate more frequently (aimed toward my friends in Utah)
9. I will scrapbook more (happiness...)
10. I will get asked out on a date (I can always dream, right?)
So there you have it. My extremely personal goals for your viewing pleasure. I look forward to all the changes that will take place in 2010. Like I said before, I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I embrace my imperfections and I look forward to my newest journey. In fact, I made myself a little Christmas present with just that saying on it:
This truly is my theme for the year 2010. And I cannot wait!
{Happy New Year}
