Silly Comment Saturday

This is a story about Julie from the UK. She is one of our distributors and I handle most of her orders, and because of this we have become quite good friends. As you probably know, the British are a little bit different than us Americans in language, dress, humor, lifestyle, etc. I have learned a lot not only about the UK but also about America from Julie. This woman is a walking Encyclopedia! But what I love most about Julie is her sense of humor. The other day I went through every email I could find from Julie and picked out a few fun phrases she has said that made me laugh. I hope you find humor in them as I did:

"I just sent small bars of chocolate you would not gain weight with those, I promise. Men do not like stick insects. What man do you know who yearns for Victoria Beckham, husband David doesn't count as he has just two brain cells. Body perhaps and a six pack but no brain."

"I've just upset the dogs - my volume is up full so I can listen out for Skype and just visited your blog to check for updates. Lots of howling, they're obviously fans of Fall Out Boy..."

"Oh Alayna, you hob-nobber. You just know which names to drop don't you."

"When I saw Michael Phelps today he reminded me a little of a vampire, I'm sure he's a lovely man...perhaps it was just an unfortunate camera shot."

"How's the zit by the way, is it one of those that when you frown you feel like Lieutenant Worf out of Star Trek...or a real beauty and looks like rhubarb and custard."

"Sweater vest - they're jokingly called tank tops in the UK... Typically worn by uncool dads who think they look the bee's knees."

"I was pulling your leg Alayna, read that your 'beau' was hardly aware of your existence. I too had one of those, even bought an egg cup with the name Kenny emblazoned on the side, my mother never ever said a word. I was very spotty and a podgy 13 year old and he was 18 complete with a motorbike, leather jacket, winkle pickers and oh so tight drainpipe jeans."

"So its a bit like a fancy dress party where you're the only one in fancy dress. I once went to a Vicars and Tarts party dressed as a French Maid and apart from the chap I went with nobody was in fancy dress. He just took off the dog collar and I just tried to look 'normal'."

"Brave mummy, I felt quite faint reading about the procedure. You call them scabs, we call them scuds. I could certainly do with a chemical peel or something more serious ! I'd like to get my leg veins sorted out, alternatively I could go to a fancy dress party as a road map .... and save money on a costume. Alan says I have a neck like a tortoise. "

Isn't she cute??? I just love my pal Julie! Thanks for teaching me so much about... everything!

Get Yo' Freak On Friday

I know Christmas was so last season, but I never did get around to blogging about this. If you haven't already noticed, I have a lot of fun at work. I work in a pretty laid back office and my co-workers are insane. We had a little Christmas party at work one day and I thought it would be funny to wear one of those hideous Christmas sweaters just to see how people would react. This is how I looked:Sadly, most people thought my sweater vest was cute. Honestly people...not cute! And aren't those shoes to die for? {Note: sarcasm} I think only two people at work (both men) realized that I was trying to be a freak. One of them was my boss. He stopped me in the hall at one point and said, "You know we have guests coming to the office today." Honestly, the plan was just to wear the sweater vest to get a reaction and then take it off. After that comment though the vest never was seen again...

Then things got a little out of control. Look at Joey's blog for a more in-depth detailing of our fun. Don't mind my huge fatness and scary faces...

{Good times at work}

Transvestite Thursday

I am kind of worried about my nephew Jake...

But isn't he cute...even if he is sportin' heels??

Whacked-Out Wednesday

This is what I saw the other day when I was out and about:

I just have one thing to say about this:

It takes a confident man to be able to pull this off in public...

Temptation Tuesday

My cutest friend at work, Nikki, had the amazing opportunity to go to Africa a few years ago and work in an orphanage. That is always something I have wanted to do, but never quite got around to it...so I am pretty jealous that she had the experience. I remember her saying that she puked all the way to Africa but that she also sat by some hot guy on the plane who rubbed her back while she blew chunks. She also mentioned that he was some famous singer who lives in South Africa. Cool right? Well, he still keeps in touch with her via email and honestly I think it's kind of cool. But then at work on Friday she directed me to his webpage so I could see a picture of him. And this is what came up:

Oh my heavens! The first thing I did when I saw his face was melt. And the next thing I did was yell at Nikki for not showing me his face earlier! Hello...I am single! And she knows him! So, she's going to put in a good word for me...

Mmmm...daddy! You can come to my house anytime!

{Xavier Saer}

Meth-Addict Mom Monday

It is no big surprise that I am my mom's number 1 fan. I adore her. But lately, she's kind of fallen off of her rocker. I hardly recognize her...literally. I will never forget this one time a few years ago when I was living at home and I was chatting with my mother dearest. I remember looking at her eyes but not being able to see past her wrinkles. It was then that I realized my mom was getting old...and I told her that. Surprise, surprise; she didn't really appreciate the comment. But you just have to realize the gravity of the statement I made to my mother, because it has forever changed her and turned her into something I never believed she would be: VAIN.

This first picture does not do justice to how comical the situation was, but before I tell the story just take a look:
If you can't tell, the sign my mom is holding says, "aging gracefully is overrated." It looks just like she is holding the sign very awkwardly and posing for a picture. What you don't see is this:

You see those freaking spots on my mom's arm? Picture those practically everywhere on her upper body (make-up works wonders). My dear mother was so upset with her "oldness" that she paid someone to remove her age spots. Seriously, she looks like a meth addict! I don't know which is worse...age spots or scabs. Needless to say, I haven't been in public with my mom for the last few weeks...

P.S. If I never post another blog again, you will know that my mom killed me after reading this...

a post a day...

until February. I hope you enjoy what I have in store for you this week...the last week of January. My friend in the UK (you will learn more about her on Saturday) told me that the Monday on the last full week of January is the most depressing day of the year. I intend to bring you sunshine and smiles on that day...and every other day for that matter!

{Enjoy}

a new obsession

I am in love...with a girl. STOP! Before you think differently of me, let me clarify. I am in love with the music this girl makes. Ok, maybe that doesn't sound any better. Let me just start over...


I really like this new (well, new to me) artist named Adele. Her music is amazing! I was first introduced to her via Jake's blog (you should check it out...he is an awe inspiring blogger). However, I do not have speakers here at work (where most of my blogging takes place) so I was never able to hear her songs. Then my good pals Ashlie and Katy let me hear one of her songs when we hung out before Christmas. Since getting my iPod I have downloaded that song (Hometown Glory) and listened to it on repeat for days! I finally took the plunge and decided to burn the entire CD (thanks Ashlie). I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it at first...but within a day or two I was hooked! Her music is different than anything I have ever really listened to before. I don't even know how to explain it. So, I have added a couple of my favorites to my playlist over there. Give them a listen and let me know what you think!

by the way...

i was totally kidding about that last post! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!! truthfully, it all came about as a joke. my co-worker called me and told me that she forgot to check one of my vitals and proceeded to tell me that she needed to take my temperature in the back region, to which i yelled out loud, "NO WAY SISTER!" of course she was just kidding, and we both laughed for quite a while. she told me that i should blog about my experience. no wait, she "dared" me to blog about it...and i can't back down from a "dare". had it been a triple dog dare i don't think i would have done it...

anyway, my co-worker (we'll just refer to her as nikki) is a cute little fruitcake. i just love her to pieces! she fills my days full of sunshine and often does things (very awkward things) to make me smile. but just reminiscing about my co-worker nikki reminds me of another experience i had with another co-worker today. we'll refer to this co-worker as andrea. she told me something shocking today (which is very andrea-like...she LOVES attention). she proceeded to tell me that she was watching tv last night and what she saw reminded her of me. it was a show about a girl (like me) with blonde hair (my hair used to be blonde), blue eyes (mine are actually green) that is a little overweight (check). she actually never told me what the show was about, only the girl on the show. but then she told me this: she said, "i have an idea for you. you dress too cute for boys. you need to dress more sexy." WHAT??? honestly, i don't understand that girl and her advice. but believe me, i ain't hiking up no skirt to get a man's attention! her advice made no sense...but then again, she usually doesn't make sense.

i hope you enjoyed my awkward moments of the day. sorry about the whole "temperature" story. but...i had you going didn't i?? and besides, it got me lots of comments to read and laugh at (and all of you bloggers secretly know how much we thrive off of comments)!

inappropriate

my co-worker is going to school to become a cna. she is needing to practice her nursing skills and i told her that she could practice on me. the other day she took my blood pressure and measured my heart rate. today she wants to take my temperature. but there's a catch, she needs my "other" end for the temperature reading. what do you think i should do?

i'm jumpin'

Well, folks I am doing it. I am jumpin' on the bandwagon. But I live in Arizona...so it's ok. I only have two words for you today: GO CARDINALS!!!

utah pics

So, my Utah trip was pretty fun. I had a great time with my family and friends, but unfortunately not many moments were documented. The majority of my pictures are hideous, but here are just a few of my favorites:

Some of the highlights of the trip included: New Years at Heather's house playing Dance Dance Revolution until 3am (thanks Matt for the New Years' kiss {on my forehead}), snowmobiling with my second family (who graciously provided me with warm winter attire), watching Mama Mia for the first time and almost wetting myself when the "Lay All Your Love on Me" song came on, getting together with some good pals from my childhood for lunch (dang Zinn Bistro), getting together with almost all of the girls from the 'hood for a little friendly {husband and children included} event, enjoying a relaxing evening creating homemade ornaments with two ladies and one man, playing Outdoor Adventure with my cute kids and getting my butt kicked by Kensie on the log leaper, and finally...just being away from work was a pleasure!

Richter scale 7.1

Last night I felt the earth move beneath my feet. It came as quite a shock; completely unexpected. My entire being was jolted and I was not quite sure what to do or how to react. Even now, the aftershocks are still being felt, and my world is slowly crumbling all around me...

No, I did not experience an actual earthquake, but an emotional earthquake if you will. Last night my roomie dropped a bomb on me. She is moving out...really soon. It was shocking to say the least. I had no idea she was even considering it. And now I trudge forward, trying to figure out what move to make myself. Financially, I am toast without a roomie. And the idea of living with a total stranger doesn't sound that appealing. But it must happen. I will prevail and I will get through this...

I am asking you, the blogging world, to help me if you can. Anyone know of anyone {female} in AZ looking for a place to live? Preferrably someone who is LDS and over the age of 18. Any ideas let me know. Otherwise, would you send some prayers up to the BIG MAN for me? Thanks friends!!!

sorry folks...

I know you are all anxiously waiting for my Utah pictures, but they will not be posted anytime soon {the pics are few and aren't that great anyway}. My only source of computer downloading is at my parents' house. The parentals' are in Utah right now and my camera plug in thing is nowhere to be found... So, I resorted to taking a picture of myself via camera phone and this is what you get to look at:
This is my "I'm wearing the world's biggest earrings, suffering from a major cold, after a long day at work and being mad that I can't download my pictures" face. I hope you enjoy it!

revelations

Well, I am now back in Arizona and slowly starting to defrost. I had an amazing time in Utah hanging with the family and friends, but just after a couple of days in the cold and snow I realized how happy I am that I live in the warm desert of AZ. I have no idea how I managed to handle the frostbitten days of my yesteryear…

Before giving you a rundown and showing pics of my vacation, I thought I would give you a little piece of my mind. While sitting at the airport this morning, I was pondering some of the things I have learned already this year, or that I learned while visiting my old pals in Utah. Here is my list of sundry revelations:

*no matter how old you get or how far away you live, people/friends/friendships will never change
*space heaters also double as blow dryers
*I do not love the snow
*oddly enough, boys do love a good craft night now and then
*even if you don’t {love} the team that is playing, football is best enjoyed in the company of others
*when you live in Arizona, and you visit Utah, sometimes it’s better just to skip out on church because you only packed a short skirt {and no tights/nylons}
*there will always be that one random person at the airport that chooses to stare at you (no, there was no tv behind my head)
*being cold can result in getting a cold (or it could just be from lack of sleep, eating crap, and/or being surrounded by sickies)
*shoes + holes + snow = bad
*Utah water is amazing
*27 year olds are still prone to getting zits
*the owners of Zinn Bistro really suck
*Nyquil is heaven sent
*I chob my iPod
*I often wish to be a baby; bundled and carried
*trying as hard as I can to stop it, I still catch myself smiling like a giddy little school girl every time the airplane takes off
*I need to focus more on sleep

These are just a few {17} I have discovered so far. How 'bout you??

Hope you are all thriving and successfully attempting your new years resolutions. Today is day one for me (being on vacation during the new year does not equal the new beginning...that only starts the first day you are back home {wink}). So far, so good!

a few words {literally}

I am in Utah...and I am freezing!!